Thoughts

I always thought that treating others the way you wanted to be treated was the right thing to do.. other than throwing tantrums to my family, I always put everyone else's wishes/choices before myself. Never have I said no because I just didn't want to, or said no because I didn't like it. It became such a habbit that I put ppl who I ain't really close with in front of myself, and ppl who don't actually have my goodwill at heart. It became something that I did everyday and I thought I was happy with it, with the feelings of satisfaction, but I didn't know that I was actually destroying myself. I lived with everyone's approval of me - that when someone doesn't like me, I wonder if I'm not good enough, whether I did something wrong or did something that wasn't right to them. And I try so hard to make myself get into their approval list, that I didn't realise I was stressing myself out. Now, while I'm completely broken and covered in scars, did I learn that other people are the ones who decides if your action is good or bad for them, and some people just really do not like you, no matter what you do. And it's still too late for me - because my habbit made me try very hard not to make them even more upset than they already are, still hoping to do smth that would please them, and still placing them before myself. When I finally learn my lesson, I'm trying so hard to take a step back and accept the fact that some things just cannot work out no matter how much effort you put in, and my lesson came with a really huge sacrifice - giving up on the one person that puts me before him.